SAINTS ARE COMING
While they may be more adrift from safety than a drunken 18th-century sailor abandoned at sea in a leaky rowing-boat without any oars, Southampton still have one small and very significant sliver of dignity left to fight for. As we approach the run-in of a Premier League campaign where anything resembling jeopardy is at a premium, Ivan Juric’s side are clawing their way towards the holy grail that is Not Being As Terrible As 2007-08 Era Derby County. Managed at first by Billy Davies and then Paul Jewell, the Rams of that particular campaign were consigned to the Championship and the history books as the worst team in Premier League history, infamously acquiring just 11 points over the course of a season. And while it is probably unfair to single out the likes of Robbie Savage, Danny Mills and Kenny Miller for their roles in securing this unwanted record, a special shout-out should almost certainly go to pub-quiz staples, Newcastle United, the only team to get beaten by the worst top-flight rabble ever assembled.
Having already amassed 100% more wins than that Derby omnishambles and avoided the ignominy of being relegated before April, Southampton could perhaps argue they are not quite as bad but they still need two more points before they can book the celebratory open-top bus parade through Hampshire. And with eight games to go and an appointment with a distracted Dr Tottenham looming large, there is every chance the embarrassment of Derby’s class of 2008 will endure for at least another season. “Tonight I’m disappointed because we deserved to win the game,” sighed their grizzled boss Juric after being pegged back to a last-gasp 1-1 draw by Crystal Palace. “The guys must train and prepare for every game like we did today, then the points will arrive.”
While Saints’ record-threatening points tally is fairly jaw-dropping, the fact they remain seven points worse off than a Leicester City side who invariably look more haplessly terrible than them also seems remarkable. Ruud van Nistelrooy’s side haven’t so much battled against the drop as enveloped themselves in its warm embrace and have now lost seven top-flight games in a row without so much as scoring a goal. “We have to focus on game to game and presenting ourselves in the best possible way,” parped Ruud van Nistelrooy, as a panicked Wout Faes skittered past him like Bambi on ice, with his bushy barnet hanging in the breeze. “That is the main target now.”
Least worst of a bottom three who have acquired fewer points between them after 30 games than any trio of Premier League bottom-feeders in history, Ipswich at least gave themselves a puncher’s chance of staying up by consigning Bournemouth to another defeat and must now host the top flight’s only other relegation candidates on Saturday. Beat Wolves and Kieran McKenna’s side will close the gap to six points with seven games to go and who knows what could happen? Oh. Like everyone else, Football Daily has seen Ipswich defend and can hazard a pretty good guess, but we’re still daring to dream of some end-of-season denouement thrills.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Niall McVeigh from 8pm BST for hot Premier League minute-by-minute coverage of Chelsea 2-2 Tottenham Hotspur or Spurs.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
I can confirm that we have received one bid for 2031 and one valid bid for 2035. The 2031 bid is from the [USA USA USA] and potentially some other Concacaf nations. The 2035 bid is from Europe, from the home nations” – yes, as well as an in-no-way-problematic Women’s World Cup in tariff-land, the tournament is set to head for British shores four years later.
To expand on John Kozempel’s fine missive (yesterday’s Football Daily letters), the term ‘tailgating’ comes from dropping the back of a pickup truck or station wagon – the tailgate – in a stadium parking lot to create a flat, elevated surface for beverages, BBQ grills, etc. On a mildly political level, perhaps the ongoing tariff spat between the USA USA USA and Europe may lead to an increase in importing Euro-styled vehicles. I’ve never seen a BMW/Mercedes/Renault pickup truck before, but I’m certain they’ll develop creative party features – champagne chiller, paté slicer, bratwurst steamer – and take tailgating to the next level. Europe should send these over as soon as they’re available. By the way, you can keep Christian Pulisic in exchange” – Mike Wilner.
Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Mike Wilner. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, can be viewed here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
In need of an extra weekly football podcast? Then Football Weekly Extra will be right up your street.